Long Nights
by Gummybear1178
Summary: TLJ SPOILERS late night force bond conversation between Rey and Kylo/Ben oneshot


SPoilers for TLJ

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Some nights were easy.

Some nights were hard.

Some nights were short.

Some nights were long.

* * *

Kylo laid awake in his bed, staring blankly at the dull black ceiling of metal that was above him. Despite his best efforts, he could not clear his mind of one thing, rather person. One who was having a huge impact on him despite only being around her for a maybe 3 hours total. At least in person and not through a force bond.

It was strange for him, for years he was alone. He didn't have anyone who was constantly on his mind. He didn't have anyone. Even as a child, his mother was always doing stuff with the Senate, and his father still as free spirited as ever was flying around the galaxy, supervising space races, exploring everywhere. His uncle was busy building up his new Jedi Order, and even when he was around, he wasn't an Uncle. He was a Jedi. He was Impartial. He was almost cold, cut off, he was there but not truly. He was disconnected. They weren't family, rather just connected by the Force, not like he and Rey.

What little of them he did see they weren't very close. He didn't even know his mother's favorite color.

It seemed like such a small thing, a color. But to Ben it was huge, it was something that everyone knew. It was just something so common, so normal. Yet he had no clue what it was.

He learned about what his mother was up to through the news.

It was strange to be so close to someone yet so distant.

It was the small things that go to him. He could care less about the presents he received on his Birthday or life day. All he wanted was his family around, truly around not just physically.

But that was what was so strange about the Scavenger, he barely knew anything about her, yet he felt he knew everything. He felt so close to her. For once in his life he felt connected to something. Like he was something, something more than a name. A Skywalker. A Solo. A Jedi. A Dark-Sider. A _Monster._ That's what she called him. A Monster.

Names seem to be so important now. Their a title. A privilege. A responsibility.

How ironic his given name truly is, _Ben_ of all the names he could have been named, he was named a name that literally meant **good.** How ironic to have turned out to be who he is.

He never understood the point of titles. A single word could decide fear or superiority.

He continued to stare and the dark ceiling, as the thoughts of the Scavenger plagued his mind.

Rey.

The most mysterious part of this whole war.

She was the Resistances Rey, Rey of Light. How ironic her name. Just like most names, had a meaning beyond what it should.

Despite his efforts he had yet to be able to initiate a bond talk session thing between them. Even if he could just see her he would be happy.

Happy.

Another word held in high regard despite it's lack of meaning.

Sitting up he released all of his thoughts and feelings into the force, wanting to be free of them. He then sat to meditate, hoping he could either finally clear his mind and sleep for the first time since he and Rey had been together, in person. Since before the battle on Crait, the battle that had taken place 8 days ago. He was only still managing to function properly by using the Force to hold him up and block out exhaustion, and that would only work for so long.

He just needed Rey.

Rey. The answer to every problem that he had ever had.

He focused his every thought, on her, on his Rey. Taking all the energy he had left he pushed his thoughts throughout the Force searching for Rey, trying to activate their bond. When finally he felt a small shift in the Force around him, and opened his weary eyes to see Rey.

"Rey" He practically whispered, fearing the slightest spook or sound would make her disappear from his sights once more.

He cautiously made his way to sit next her, she was just sitting there. Staring off into space. Her eyes gave away everything though, she saw him. She was just ignoring him.

"Rey" He said in a slightly more steady voice this time.

"What do you want?" She finally asked after another moment of silence

"I don't know." He answered truthfully.

"What do you mean you don't know?" She asked, trying to coat it in annoyance but failed as he heard the concern laced into her voice, after a moment of silence she speaks again.

"When is the last time you slept?"

"8 days ago." Kylo answered, not even having to think, he had counted the days waiting to see her again. He took more time to take in her appearance. "When's the last time you slept?"

"Same as you" She answered.

"I can't sleep." Ben, not Kylo, finally admitted. In these force talks, he wasn't Kylo Ren, he wasn't Ben Solo son of Princess Leia and Han Solo. He was just Ben.

"Me either, why can't you?" She asked curiously, though she felt she already knew the answer it was probably the same as hers.

"I need you." He said taking a few slow steps towards her, then sitting next to her against the wall. "and you?"

"I-" Rey tried to lie, until she realised it was pointless "I miss you, Ben. Those few short talks we had. Those distant stares."

"Rey. Join me. Please." Ben said, his voice breaking "I need you. You are what has kept me sane. I need you, your presence, your... Your touch" He added moving closer to her until they were just millimeters apart. He was scared to touch her, fearing she would disappear once again. Leaving him alone.

"Ben, I can't. You know that, I won't go dark. It's not that I don't want to be near you or with you, I can't have anything to do with what the First Order is. I am part of the Resistance, the light."

"What if we ruled the First Order. Together. Form it into what you think is right for the galaxy, stop the wars, the battle, the conflict, the violence. Help me. Please Rey."

"Ben, if we control them, they won't be free, it will just be the Empire all over again, the fear. The power. It's not who I am. Ben, I know there is still light in you. I see it."

"Rey, that light you see. It's you. You are what is keeping me from going all the way into the Dark. What is giving me what little Light I have left. What little Hope I have."

"What about you Mother? She misses you so much, she wants you back Ben. She loves you. You still have your family, you still have people who want you. Go to them." Ben froze, her parents. He killed his father. His mother still wanted him despite all he has done. Yet she has no one. Despite how lacking in appearance his parents were, they still loved him, they were still existent and still cared. Completely opposing to Rey's parents, who got rid of her for drinking money.

"My mother may seem like the mother everyone always wants. But speaking as her only child, she was a horrible mother. She might not have physically hurt me or was mean to me. But she was never around. I knew about her from the news..." He trailed off thinking of the amount of time he spent alone as a child, that was something Snoke had used to pull him over to the Dark. He made him feel like he would belong there, like he would matter, like he would be important. Like he was something. Not Nothing. "What is your favorite color?"

"What?" Rey asks confused at the random questions

"What's your favorite color?"

"green. Like all the life and plants around the galaxy."

"I don't know my mothers favorite color. That is something everyone knows when they are close. Favorite colors, something so simple yet it so important."

"What's your favorite color.?" Rey asks back

"Blue"

"Blue?" Rey asks curiously wondering why his favorite color would be something so close to the thought of the light side. "Why Blue?"

"Because it's the color of the untamed waves of the oceans, of the sky, of so many things. Yet with as much of it means something happy, it also goes in the context of sadness."

"Do you want me to ask her?"

"Ask who what?"

"Your mother, do you want me to ask her her favorite color?"

"Sure."

They sit in silence just happy to be in the others company, slowly Rey had started to lean her head over until eventually she rested her head on his shoulder. The touch shocking him, he almost jumped. The touch was so warm and gentle. It calmed him. He slowly wrapped his arm around her shoulders and leaned his head against hers.

Eventually they each fell asleep for the first time in so long, holding each other close. Forgetting about all the destruction and war and chaos surrounding them. For a little while Ben wasn't Kylo Ren, he wasn't Ben Solo, he wasn't the son of Princess Leia and Han Solo, he wasn't the nephew of Luke Skywalker. He was just Ben. And Rey wasn't the hero of the Resistance, the Jedi, the Last of the Jedi, the Hero, the girl from Jakku, she was just Rey. They were just Rey and Ben. Ben and Rey.

They were at Peace.

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 _I hope you enjoyed, i just posted another one shot if you want to go read it you can, sorry if this is bad or makes no sense I haven't been able to write since August and started writing this to get rid of writers block and wrote this at 2 in the morning_ _yesterday!_


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